At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
