i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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