Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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