Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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