you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
