where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What did we do last night that was yellow?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
