How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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