So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
