She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
