Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
