fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
