Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
