So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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