im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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