today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
