I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
