I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
where am i from again
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
birth control should be required to get into college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
