got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize