she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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