i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
