so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
