i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
