I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My vagina just clenched in fear
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