lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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