Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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