as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
