Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
smell my finger.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize