I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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