lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
