some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
