1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
