Can i not drive my cunt home
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i can't believe i had my finger in that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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