your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
