You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
