i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
