He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
