he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
