Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
