Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
