have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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