if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
