He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
