I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
