I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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