How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
