first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
