What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was like his penis was on wheels.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
