Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
