i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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