i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
