My hand turned me down
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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