Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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