I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
