i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
