I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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