she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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