Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
