how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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