Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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