Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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