Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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