Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
