it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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