There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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